Workshop manuals translations

MANUAL: Rotate anticlockwise.
TRANSLATION: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
anticlockwise.

MANUAL: This is a snug fit.
TRANSLATION: You will skin your knuckles.

MANUAL: This is a tight fit.
TRANSLATION: Not a hope in hell matey!

MANUAL: As described in Chapter 7.......
TRANSLATION: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now
you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox.

MANUAL: Pry.....
TRANSLATION: Hammer a screwdriver into.....

MANUAL: Undo...
TRANSLATION: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

MANUAL: Retain tiny spring.....
TRANSLATION: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out?"

MANUAL: Press and rotate to remove bulb....
TRANSLATION: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig
out that pesky bayonet bit.

MANUAL: Lightly....
TRANSLATION: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are
throbbing, then re-check manual because what you are doing
now cannot be 'lightly'.

MANUAL: Weekly checks.....
TRANSLATION: If it isn't broken don't fix it.

MANUAL: Routine maintenance.....
TRANSLATION: If it isn't broken.....it's about to be!

MANUAL: Inspect....
TRANSLATION: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your
wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!

MANUAL: Carefully....
TRANSLATION: You are about to cut yourself!

MANUAL: Retaining nut.........
TRANSLATION: Yep, that it, that big spherical blob of rust.

MANUAL: Get an assistant....
TRANSLATION: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

MANUAL: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
TRANSLATION: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
harder. Once that sinking pit in your stomach has
subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you
gingerly refit the spark plugs.

MANUAL: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
TRANSLATION: But you swear in different places.

MANUAL: Prise away plastic locating pegs....
TRANSLATION: Snap off......

MANUAL: Using a suitable drift....
TRANSLATION: The biggest nail in your toolbox isn't a suitable drift!

MANUAL: Everyday toolkit.
TRANSLATION: Ensure you have an RAC Card and Mobile Phone.

MANUAL: Apply moderate heat....
TRANSLATION: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate
heat.

MANUAL: Index
TRANSLATION: List of all things in the book EXCEPT the thing you want
to do!